Washington Generals Prepare Class Action Lawsuit...

...against the Lakers of Los Angeles for infringement against the Generals trademarked ability to look foolish while playing basketball.

Lawyer Chet Gundleburger addressed the media early Wednesday Morning after witnessing the 39 point embarrassment handed to the "LakeShow" by last years worst team in the NBA, the Boston Celtics: "any of that look familiar? I mean, come on, jeez, guys, seriously. That was classic Globetrotter/Generals shtick! Am I the only one who noticed??"

Gundleburger points specifically to instances involving the Lakers standing around with frustrated looks on their faces; cowering while being dunked on; having no-look passes whizz by them; and getting their shorts pulled down to their ankles while at the free throw line.

NBA league officials point to the fact that Harlem Globetrotter games usually stay within at least 20 points or so.
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aww snap! Burned! You got STOLE, Lakers!

Just kidding, I don't really even hate this Lakers team. I kind of like them, even though they ousted my Spurs. I was just hoping for some competitive basketball. Seriously, 39 points? In the last game of the Finals? The Celtics really are that good. Way to go Boston.

But the game did make me contemplate one theory that's only slightly less silly than the Harlem Globetrotter comparison. You may want to stop reading here if you're tired of hearing about the reffing scandals in the NBA...

OK, still with me?

Do blowouts like this happen when refs aren't fixing the spread?? Just saying. Probably not. It's just a thought. But...If there have indeed been fixed games and fixed series, as disgraced former NBA ref Tim Donaghey claimed recently, a side-effect, as I understand it, would have been a greater tendency toward closer scores and longer series. With no guidance from the refs, is it the natural tendency for NBA Playoff games to be 20+ pt home team blowouts? That happened a lot in this year's playoffs.

Again, this theory is totally unsubstantiated, and only suggests that the Celtics demolition of the Lakers might be even more credible than it would have been in previous years.

Also, it's worth noting that this isn't the first time a best of 7 series has been finished with a blowout of similar proportion. The 1965 Championship ended in a 33-point game 5 blowout by the Boston Celtics over--you guessed it--the Los Angeles Lakers.

Even that was nothing too new. The Generals have been losing to the Globetrotters since the 20's.

Back In the High Life (Again)

On a wide set of bookshelves in a little-used loft area of my parent's house in San Antonio, there is a VHS cassette labeled "1987 NBA Finals: a Great Win Lakers!" It's a recording of Game 6 of that series, in which the Lakers closed out the Celtics to win the championship. I haven't popped this artifact into a VCR in probably close to 20 years. But from June of 1987 to some time in 1988, the tape got quite a bit of play at the Newman household.

Aside from demonstrating my predisposition for awkward wordy titles, the tape is significant because it is the one pro basketball event in my life that preceded my relationship with the Spurs. It's strange that it exists: for a short time, when I was 10 years old, I was a huge Lakers fan. It was my first taste of the NBA, and I remember being completely engrossed.

The game was amazing, but what really got me, what forced me to rewatch the tape so many times over the next few months, was what they played after the game. If this year's Finals end tonight--and they could, the Lakers are down 3-1 to the Celtics--you'll see a video montage of highlights set to one of this year's most popular songs. Usually it's hard to describe how much these suck. Maybe that's too strong an evaluation, but I have honestly never seen another one that really excites me or makes me want to watch it over even once--and that includes the Red Hot Chilli Pepper's video for the Spurs 2003 Championship. But in 1987 the montage commemorating that year's Finals was, for me, the height of the art form:

Steve Winwood.

"Back in the High Life Again."

I'm sure if you know this song, it is immediately obvious to you how incredible the montage must have been. You aren't wrong. It is full of glitz and class, and creates a sensation of accomplishment and uphoria; it's the sound of someone at the slow motion zenith of their life pursuit.

It didn't hurt that the highlights from that series still stand as some of the jazziest and most entertaining in any Finals since. But really. That song.

It's rare that you think of something as awesome as this video that isn't already on youtube. But unfortunately that is the case in this instance. This clip of the Top 10 plays of that series are the closest thing I can find to it.

I'm also including the actual music video for this classic hit song. Try turning the volume on the highlights all the way down and playing both of these at the same time. Maybe you'll have a small idea of the just what made me love this game so much as a 10 year old.





UPDATE: holy crap, it worked.